"I'm Cranky, It's Too Early"

The PokerGO on-demand library is full of hundreds of hours content and tons of viewing options but, if you were on your last breath and watched to spend your last few minutes on Earth watching PokerGO, I’d suggest “Poker After Dark,” Season 1: Episode 20. Aptly named, Earphones, the episode opens to a very cranky Phil Ivey, who would likely trade his chip lead for a pair of earphones to drown out the noise around him.

 Because DVD commentary is awesome, here is another Poker After Dark Commentary Session.

“I was caught up in buzz, I was so caught up in the euphoria of winning.” – Mike Matusow

With Phil Hellmuth under the gun, he and Mike Matusow, who is in the big blind, are laughing and having a conversation about a game of Chinese Poker they played a few days before filming. Hellmuth drops some names, Matusow drops some numbers about how much he won and all the while, Phil Ivey patiently waits for Hellmuth to act. He eventually does and opens to $600.

“It’s hard for me to focus like this, it’s not the World Series of Poker. I’m in a much looser mood, I want to get my chips in today.”– Phil Hellmuth

After his conversation with Matusow and his open, Hellmuth sees Phil Ivey quickly and quietly re-raise to $2,220. It folds back to Hellmuth and it looks like he wants to have another conversation, about how the World Series of Poker is vastly superior to everything and anything else in the poker world. Phil Ivey has no interest in this conversation but hearing that Hellmuth wants to “get my chips in today” is likely music to his ears.

“Come on man, stop.” – Phil Ivey

Rule #1: Don’t play pots with Phil Ivey.
Rule #2: Don’t talk to Phil Ivey.
Rule #3: DON’T TOUCH PHIL IVEY!

“What’s wrong buddy?” – Phil Hellmuth
“I’m cranky, it’s too early.” – Phil Ivey
“You don’t have to be cranky, it’s not always you against the world, kid.” – Hellmuth
“Oh, thanks for the speech.” – Ivey

Rule #4: Don’t make Phil Ivey get up early.
(See Rule #2.)
Rule #5: DON’T GIVE PHIL IVEY SPEECHES ABOUT HIM TAKING ON THE WORLD!

“I love the guy and he’s mad at me.” – Phil Hellmuth
“I’m not mad at you Phil.” – Phil Ivey

This is Phil Hellmuth attempting to amend the relationship. Ivey can say he is not mad as much as he wants but I’ve seen this tactic time and time again, mostly with girlfriends that have then become ex-girlfriends. Phil Ivey is 100% mad at Phil Hellmuth.

“I never have gotten nice cards, which is fine but I’ve also played rather poor, which is also fine.” – Mike Matusow

This quote has nothing to do with Phil Ivey and his level of crankiness but if this quote doesn’t sum up Mike Matusow in a nutshell, I don’t know what does.

“Wow. You are so good Phil. I mean, the public just don’t know how good you are.” – Mike Matusow
“Phil, explain to us how good you are.” – Sammy Farha
“Explain, in every detail.” – Tony G
“What kind of strategy do you have against this table right now?” – Farha

These string of quotes come after another Hellmuth and Ivey clash, where the former forces the latter to fold on the turn. Which Phil the three most talkative players at the table are referencing, it is likely Hellmuth based on the way the hand played out, remains to be seen but while Sammy Farha takes “Poker After Dark” to commercial break with a cackle of a laugh, Phil Ivey is still cranky and likely still looking for earphones.

To watch “Poker After Dark” and other original programming, head to PokerGO and be on the look out for more Poker After Dark Commentary Sessions before the series reboots on August 14.