Morning Perk: Deathmatch, Crews, Dates and CTOs

Friday morning. It’s been a long week but you are almost there. Just a few more calls, one more meeting and then the weekend and freedom awaits. We know you need a little extra boost to get you through the final day of the work week and luckily, Poker Central and Death Wish Coffee have you covered. The world’s strongest coffee gives you a “Morning Perk,” bringing you the best of the internet from the past week.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

The internet wasn’t around when Ferris Bueller gave everyone the perfect high school yearbook quote but his words are just as powerful today as they were in the late 80’s. The internet, more often than not, moves faster than life itself and while we’re sure we missed some of it, these were our favorites from the past week.

Deathmatch: pick one person to fight to the death so that you can have their lifestyle.

Latest @KFCradio out now: https://t.co/vOgmZ2LEEL pic.twitter.com/BpzO1schSk

— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) February 16, 2017

As someone who prides themselves in their Would You Rather and FMK abilities, this is easily the toughest hypothetical I’ve ever faced. To start, your life is at risk and secondly, you need to tread a very careful line. Your Deathmatch opponent needs to be easy enough to beat but also have a life that is worth dying for. Admittedly, I have never been in a real fight before, so I’m avoiding anyone who looks mean, is physically fit or is bigger than me. Push comes to shove, I probably pick Mark Zuckerberg, easily dispatch of him, give the Winklevoss twins Facebook and live happily ever after with $56 billion.

The first time most of the world heard The Weeknd was on Drake’s multi-platinum Take Care album. His “They loving the crew” hook, from the aptly named “Crew Love”, was just the beginning though. Fast forward a few years and The Weeknd is now a household hip hop name and it turns out that crew came out for his recently dropped “Reminder” music video. Drake, Travis Scott, YG, French Montana, A$AP Rocky, Bryson Tiller all make appearances but none of them say a word. That’s a little odd but nevertheless, The Weeknd is right. He’s not a Teen Choice and he’s blowing up like a propane but I’d take 18 with Rae Sremmurd over this crew.

Just met my ‘Super Bowl Twitter Date’ John ?? On our way to the @BrooklynNets game! @punslayintwoods pic.twitter.com/DHRgY46smd

— Genie Bouchard (@geniebouchard) February 16, 2017

Okay, okay, okay. Let me get this straight. Canadian professional tennis player Genie Bouchard tweeted that the Atlanta Falcons were going to win Super Bowl LI. Some kid asked if they could go on a date if the Patriots won. The Patriots won. Then they went on a date to an NBA game together. They sat court side. Then Bouchard said it was, “The best date ever.” and they are now planning a second date. That’s how it happened? Why does this never work when I ask girls out?

With players from around the country and world in need of an artist, we’re hiring a Chief Tattoo Officer

Seriously: https://t.co/0YWQCvWXPB pic.twitter.com/Ldlzn2F1oV

— Philadelphia Union (@PhilaUnion) February 13, 2017

Lots of companies have CTOs, because technology is a huge part of business and someone needs to be the Chief Technology Officer. Not a lot of companies have Chief Tattoo Officers though. In fact, no companies, organizations or sports franchises have Chief Tattoo Officers. That is all changing in Major League Soccer though, as the Philadelphia Union are looking to be the first sports team in the world to fill that position. Tattoos are popular in soccer but something tells me the ink that the Union’s new CTO will put on your skin is going to last much longer than his time with the club.

Hawaii, Australia, California, South Africa. That’s the list of places I think of when I hear the word “surfing”. This week, I added Portugal to that list thanks to these XXL waves off the coast of Nazare. A little more research shows that Nazare, Portugal is actually Europe’s “gnarliest big wave”, which is slightly comforting because anything bigger than this would have to be considered a tsunami.

Welcome back, Kate! ?? ?? https://t.co/w9Lho2Yb7E pic.twitter.com/fwcfhM0f6q

— SI Swimsuit (@SI_Swimsuit) February 15, 2017

Have a good weekend everyone.

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