Three Too Many: Russell Westbrook Traveling Theories

The most anticipated game of Wednesday’s NBA slate was the second meeting of the season between the Golden State Warriors and the Oklahoma City Thunder. The Warriors ended up winning by 21. Yawn. Kevin Durant scored 40 points against his former team. Yawn. Russell Westbrook recorded another triple-double. Yawn.

One thing that didn’t make us yawn, Russell Westbrook’s post-game comments. He made it very clear that he “doesn’t play that game”, when talking about Zaza Pachulia’s flagrant foul, and that he and Kevin Durant are still not on speaking terms. Russell also didn’t have much to say about his five-step traveling violation other than confirming that he did in fact travel.

Yes, it was a travel. In basketball, you can only legally take two steps without dribbling the ball and Russell took three more than the legal limit. What was Russell thinking, where was Russell going and what was Russell wearing?

Traveling Theory #1 – The only thing Russell likes more than basketball is designer eye wear. After getting passed the ball, he noticed how many people inside Oracle Arena were wearing glasses and Russell thought, “I want to be wearing glasses with them.” Unfortunately, Russell forgot his favorite pair of glasses at home, which meant he had to get off the court, find the closest Bay Area Rapid Transit train and get to the San Francisco Warby Parker store before it closed.

Traveling Theory #2 – It was inaudible to those watching at home but after Kevin Durant hit a three-pointer to take the lead, he shouted, “Hope you brought your poncho because there are three ‘Splash Brothers’ now!” Kevin’s attempted trash talk reminded Russell of his favorite amusement park ride as a kid. Russell then remembered that the Thunder don’t play again until Monday night, so he started to prepare for an entire weekend of riding Splash Mountain at Disney Land.    

Traveling Theory #3 – This past summer, Russell signed a contract extension with the Thunder that is potentially worth nearly $85 million over the next three years. The new contract included a player option for the final year of the deal but also included an option for Russell to become the team’s ‘Official Photographer’ whenever and wherever he wants. Russell decided that he didn’t want to play the last quarter and a half and was headed to the locker room to get his camera bag and vest.

Traveling Theory #4 – It hasn’t been included in any injury reports this season but Russell has been bothered by a minor foot injury since the middle of November. The reason the Thunder medical staff is hush-hush on the issue? Russell doesn’t want his sponsors to know that their shoes are to blame. Midway through last night’s 3^rd quarter, the pain was too much to bear though and Russell traveled on purpose so that he could change into a much more stylish and comfortable pair of kicks.

Traveling Theory #5 – Russell only completed two years of college but during his time at UCLA, he became fascinated with biology. That’s where Russell learned about bees and ever since, Russell has been trying to be more like his favorite flying insect. From wearing a yellow jacket every day, to pollinating every corner of the stat sheet, he’s done a good job this season. Last night though, he lost his motivation to play basketball and even dribble, after remembering that bees are dying globally at an alarming rate.

Traveling Theory #6 – Everyone deals with breakups differently and Russell still hasn’t really gotten over Kevin Durant dumping him this past summer. Watching his old friend hit a really good shot brought him back to the ESPYs when him and Kevin were still friends. For a brief moment, he and Kevin were back together. Then the whistle blew, the ref barrel rolled his forearms to signal a travel, Kevin yelled something mean across the court and Russell remembered why they broke up in the first place.