"Mori, You Gonna Give Penalties for this Shit?"

The PokerGO on-demand library is full of hundreds of hours of content and tons of viewing options but, if you were on your last breath and wanted to spend your last eight minutes on Earth watching PokerGO, I’d suggest Poker After Dark, Season 1: Episode 3. Aptly named, Poker Brat Attack, the episode opens with a Phil Hellmuth attack that is still as amazing as it was when the show first aired over a decade ago.

Because DVD commentary is awesome, here is what could be the first of many, Poker After Dark Commentary Sessions.

“I raise.” – Annie Duke

This is the quote that started it all but, in fairness to Annie Duke, it is a pretty inconspicuous and normal thing to say at the poker table. Phil raises with ace-ten and Annie three-bets with pocket kings. This is all standard and even though she can be blamed for a lot, you can’t fault Annie Duke here.

“I don’t think I can get away from this. I felt like I was setting this up, now can I possibly bail?” – Phil Hellmuth

This is classic Phil Hellmuth. He attempts to simultaneously explain how big of a decision he has, while also explaining that this is the exact decision he was setting up to have. Classic Hellmuth.

“Could this be another one of those unsuccessful Phil Traps?” – Gus Hansen

This is classic Gus Hansen. Multiple needles in a single question, poking fun at Hellmuth for what he expects to be another unsuccessful play while also poking fun at the fact that Hellmuth even has a name for those unsuccessful plays. Classic Hansen.

“I think for now, we should let him think, give him a break. He’s had a tough day.” – Steve Zolotow

Hellmuth has asked the table for quiet and someone finally shows some respect for the greatest of all-time! Thank you Steve, a decision should be coming shortly.

“Please be quiet, so I can talk.” – Huck Seed

Not so much. Hellmuth just wants the table to be quiet so that he can talk. Huck Seed mentions this, everyone laughs and that noise makes Hellmuth’s day and his decision even tougher. 

“Is this the way it’s going to be every tournament out here?”

“Mori, you gonna give penalties for this shit?”

“What penalties can we put in place, so that when a man has a study for all his chips people can shut up?” – Phil Hellmuth

The climax of the Poker Brat Attack. Hellmuth drags Executive Producer Mori Eskandani to the table and claims that he won’t play Poker After Dark anymore if there aren’t strict rules in place for when players are talking during hands. Hellmuth also drops the line “when a man has a study for all his chips,” which is the greatest phrase in televised poker history.

“You’re playing bad. You have a losing hand, you’re just trying to get some TV time. Muck your hand, idiot.” – Shawn Sheikhan

You know that person that is willing to speak his mind, no matter who or what is involved? That is Shawn Sheikhan. While this is Sheikhan’s headlining line of the episode, he has been baiting Hellmuth since he made his first bet and this comment sends the Poker Brat into the stratosphere.

“I can’t even make a decision anymore, now I have to let her win the pot with ace-eight because I can’t think it out?” – Phil Hellmuth

Unfortunately, this entire ordeal has been too taxing and Hellmuth can’t come to a decision. In fact, trying to make a decision after what he was put through would actually be impossible but if he was going to make a decision, it would be the right one, because he pegs Annie for ace-eight. Wrong, very wrong. Annie, if you remember, has pocket kings and Hellmuth should be happy he couldn’t “think it out.”

To watch Poker After Dark and other original programming and live events, visit PokerGo.com and for more Poker After Dark Commentary Sessions, stay tuned to Poker Central.