Poker Who’s Who - The Simpsons

Every week Paul Seaton takes a look at a popular movie or TV show and uses a comedic twist to recast these shows with some of your favorite poker players. This week: The Simpsons. 

One of the longest-running TV series of all-time, The Simpsons is a global phenomenon. But even the best-loved programmes suffer a dip, and the yellowest family in prime-time America has been accused lately of running out of ideas. It’s not the scriptwriters, however, it’s the actors. It’s time for a recasting and with several poker pros up to the ready wit and demanding hours required, we’ve repopulated Springfield with six brand new faces.

Homer Simpson – played by Chris Moneymaker  

A lucky hopeful turned absolute legend, Homer Simpson is exactly the sort of person who could have ‘done a Moneymaker’ and won the World Series Main Event. It’s obvious that Moneymaker could do the opposite and hold his own as the patriarch of The Simpsons. Moneymaker’s eye for the right move with the opportunistic joie de vivre required to do it all with a glint in his eye. Easy-going, naturally charming and the perfect everyman face. D’oh!

Bart Simpson – played by Jake Cody

Bart Simpson may be at the cutting edge of graffiti-led street cred, but he’s also as smart as a whip. Who better to play him than the youngest-ever triple crown winner from Rochdale? Early vintage Jake Cody has the look, and the boy became a man who naturally commands the center stage.  Could he adapt his skills with the cards to the hallowed transport of the orange skateboard? This is a man who’s jumped from the highest bungee in the world. He’d tell you to eat his shorts while doing it.

Moe Syslak – played by Neil Channing

Wiley old barman Moe once famously had the face of an angel, before a career in boxing left him looking like the last pickle left at the bottom of the jar. Neil Channing, once ‘Sensei’ to his Black Belt Poker disciples, once had the windblown demeanour of a bookmaker huddled over a box of notes at the racetrack. Now, he’s more at home gracing final tables with his cynical wit. If he can’t already produce a ‘Flaming Moe’ from memory, we’d be surprised.

Montgomery Burns – played by Steve Zolotow

Known as the ‘Bald Eagle’ and winner of two WSOP bracelets, including one gained playing Chinese Poker in the year of our Lord 1995, it’s Stevie Z’s Springfield and everyone should respect it. While Monty Burns is known as a stingy, elitist snob, Zolotow would have to earn his acting chops, but he owns several bars and restaurants in New York – there’s no way he couldn’t adapt.

Chief Wiggum – played by Ike Haxton

 Ike Haxton isn’t just a man who likes wearing a hat but using it. If ever there was a wannabe Sheriff in the pack waiting to step forward and improve Springfield’s incompetent police force, it’s ‘Action’ Haxton. Often the voice of conscience in poker, Haxton has a reputation of standing up for what’s fair and right. Currently, Chief Wiggum barely has a reputation for standing up.

Ned Flanders – played by Uncle Ron

A needlenose neighbor you can’t quite shake off but could never truly hate? It’s got to be Uncle Ron. If Ron couldn’t pop round, naked save for a BBQ apron and lend you his chainsaw on a hot summer’s day in Springfield, then really you have to ask yourself: what kind of person am I? And we’d love to see Moneymaker and our Ron going at it over the garden fence. Quite what Uncle Ron might do with Reverend Lovejoy’s Church Fund, however, we’re not so sure.

Paul Seaton has worked in poker since 2011 and has traveled the world reporting on the greatest game on Earth. He has covered tournaments such as the EPT, WPT and World Series of Poker. He is from England and is inspired by three key supports in his work; the unique nature of every poker players story, the devotion from his family and, most importantly, a good cup of tea.